Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Moment of Fear

Yesterday was a good day. I was productive, the weather was lovely, and I met up with a close friend. We went to an event for Toronto Fashion Week, and my friend gave me a little mason jar of homemade strawberry compote. After we parted ways, I walked home, chatted with hubby, played with Truffle and Lulu, ate leftovers for dinner, and settled in for the evening. I parked myself in front of my computer as I do almost every evening. I surfed the Internet and responded to some emails.

Suddenly, without any warning, there it was. The moment I had been dreading for the last two months. Thoughts started racing through my head. Doubt, anxiety, fear. I sat with it for a while, and continued my screen time, but the feeling didn't go away. Doubt, anxiety, fear.

I turned off my computer, sat beside hubby, and read my book. Lulu crawled onto my lap. Truffle watched me silently. The feeling ebbed somewhat, but it was still there. By this time, it was pretty late in the evening, and I was tired. I remembered that I get a little loopy when I'm tired. I get argumentative, whiny, and sad. I sweat the small stuff. I blow things out of proportion. So I went to bed.

When I woke up this morning, I felt like my normal self again. The moment of fear was a distant memory, and I couldn't remember exactly what it was or how it felt. I made coffee for hubby and tea for me. I remembered I had made overnight oats two nights ago. I remembered my friend's strawberry compote. My friend had warned me several times that it was really really sweet. I heated up our overnight oats, and topped each bowl with sliced banana, a spoonful of hemp hearts, a sprinkling of lavender, and a big dollop of strawberry compote. It was sweet indeed, perfectly sweet.

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